:::::: ::::::Karma in Déjà Vu :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::]

I'M SORRY

2011-08-13T08:09:00.000-07:00

::: A youtube mixtape for Makaka :::
- Click to watch the whole tape

Front cover

Back cover

001. All Apologies - Nirvana
"What else should I be? All Apologies."

002. The Amazing Sounds of Orgy - Radiohead
"I want to see you smile again, like diamonds in the dust"

003. The Scientist - Coldplay
"Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry.
You don't know how lovely you are

I had to find you, Tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart
...
Nobody said it was easy, It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy, No one ever said it would be this hard

Oh, take me back to the start.

I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling the puzzles apart

Questions of science
Science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart

Tell me you love me
Come back and haunt me
Oh, and I rush to the start"

004. Where I End and You Begin - Radiohead
"There's a gap in between
There's a gap where we meet
Where I end and you begin.
...
I am up in the clouds
and I can't and I can't come down.

I can watch and cant take part
Where I end and where you start
Where you, you left me alone.

You left me alone

I'll eat you, I'll eat you
There'll be no more lies, there'll be no more lies"

005. You're Not Stubborn - Two Door Cinema Club
"I was wrong, I take it back
Now can we get along, give up the slack
You know it all could be much easier
But I'm still travelling, I'm still travelling"

006. I'm a Cuckoo - Belle & Sebastian
"I'm glad to see you
I'm outside the house
I'm not thinking right today
I've got no energy
I'm glad that you are waiting with me
Tell me all about your day

Breaking off is misery
I see a wilderness for you and me
Punctuated by philosophy
I'm wondering how things could've been

I'm happy for you
You've made it hard for me
I counted on your company
You are staying with your friends tonight
I'm feeling sorry for myself
I keep taking everything to be a sign

I'm happy for you
But now I know this hurt is poison
Too sharp to be bled
I'm sitting on my empty bed
I'm on my empty bed
At night the fever grows it's pounding pounding

I'd rather be in Tokyo
I'd rather listen to Thin Lizzy-oh
And watch the Sunday gang in Harajuku
There's something wrong with me, I'm a cuckoo

Scary moment, lovin' every moment
I was high from playing shows
We lost a singer to her clothes
My trouble raised its ugly head
I was revealed
And I was home in bed
I was a kid again

Jesus told me, go after every coin like it was the last in the world
And protect the wayward child
But I'm a little lost sheep
I need my Bo Peep
You know I need My Shepherd here tonight

...

I'd like to see you
But really I should stay away
And let you settle down
I've got no claims to your crown
I was the boss of you
And I loved you
You know I loved you
It's all over now

And I was there for you
When you were lonely
I was there when you were bad
I was there when you were sad
Now it's my time of need
I'm thinking, do I have to plead to get you by my side?"

a list of things from tonight

2010-08-20T16:24:00.001-07:00

Life is not a To-Do List, as it reads on Kat, my Berlin host's, wall. Coincidently, had a meeting with another Kat in "Intestinecity". When things get accumulated, you got to put them down on a list.

So, next book to read: Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (book acquired the hitchhiker's way - borrow)

Also on the to-read list: Generation X

Film to watch: Dolls,

Film to watch again: Bin Jip (or 3-Iron), Kikujiro No Natsu

Here's a trailer with the cute music by Joe Hisaishi. It seems almost guaranteed that if Hisaishi is doing the music of the film, it can't be bad.

Watching this brought back lots of memories about that summer 5 years ago, before I went to HK. Still the happiest summer ever. Memory is a tricky stuff. I, or we, keep on calling the best summer, but how happy exactly we were, there's no way I can recall.

5 years later, on the other side of the continent, I remembered this movie and that summer. The same thing that summer is on play again here and now. This time, I am the audience, and the people changed.

the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

2010-08-19T13:04:00.000-07:00

The answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything is... 42
Def. the next book to read. ok, maybe not the next, after Crime n Punishment, Kafka on the Shore, Immortality... Heck, who knows.

The whale in 1:54 def. is awesome for his 1min 8 sec existece.

Some quotes from the film
It's an important and popular fact that things are not always what they seem. For instance, on the planet Earth, Man had always assumed that he was the most intelligent species occupying the planet, instead of the *third* most intelligent. The second most intelligent creatures were of course dolphins who, curiously enough, had long known of the impending destruction of the planet earth. They had made many attempts to alert mankind to the danger, but most of their communications were misinterpreted as amusing attempts to punch footballs or whistle for titbits. So they eventually decided they would leave earth by their own means. The last ever dolphin message was misinterpreted as a surprisingly sophisticated attempt to do a double backward somersault through a hoop while whistling the star-spangled banner, but in fact the message was this: So long and thanks for all the fish.

The Encyclopedia Galactica, in its chapter on Love states that it is far too complicated to define. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy has this to say on the subject of love: Avoid, if at all possible. Unfortunately, Arthur Dent has never read the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

Presidents don't have power, their purpose is to draw attention away from it.

[about the Point of View Gun] The Point of View gun conveniently does precisely what its name suggests. That is if you point it at someone and pull the trigger, they instantly see things from your point of view. It was designed by Deep Thought, but commissioned by a consortium of intergalactic angry housewives, who after countless arguments with their husbands were sick to the teeth of ending those arguments with the phrase "You just don't get it, do you?"
[Zaphod aims the Point of View gun at Trillian] Trillian: It won't affect me, I'm already a woman.

Fine. Fine, take it. Because my head is filled with questions and I can assure you no answer to any one of them has ever brought me one iota of happiness. Except for one. The one. The only question I've ever wanted an answer to - is she the one? The answer bloody well isn't forty-two, it's yes. Undoubtedly, unequivocally, unabashedly yes. And for one week, one week in my sad little blip of an existence, it made me happy.

luv @ Last Sight

2010-08-04T04:35:00.001-07:00

How long is too long? Too long that you are totally fed up

How short is too short? Too short that you still want more

1 year is too long if you are stuck in a place, n can't go to where you want to be

1 year is too short if you set up all your life, found the people to be with, but have to go to a new place because you thought you were fed up

There, right at the cross road in front of the train station, I found love at last sight

today (LP)

2010-07-29T08:01:00.000-07:00

been feeling pretty hectic lately and some new and old favourite songs are in order. here are five that i really like today, for your downloading pleasure (right click, save link as...)

1. 气球(Qi Qiu = Balloon)|许哲佩(Xu ZhePei) (ふうせん Kojima Mayumi cover).

2. I'm Confused | Handsome Furs - Face Control

3. God Has a Voice, She Speaks Through Me | Coco Rosie - God Has a Voice, She Speaks Through Me

4. Smokey Taboo | Coco Rosie - Grey Oceans

5. Drug | the Czars

Lyrics:

1. Balloon

黑的schwarz白的wheiß红的rot黄的yellow
hei1 de bai2 de hong2 de huang2 de
紫的purple绿的grün蓝的blau灰的grau
zi3 de lü4 de lan2 de hui1 de
你的dein我的mein他的sein她的ihr
ni3 de wo3 de ta1 de ta1 de
大的groß小的klein圆的runde扁的flat
da4 de xiao3 de yuan2 de bian3 de
好的gut坏的schlecht美的schön丑的häßlich
hao3 de huai2 de mei3 de chou3 de
新的neu旧的alt各种款式各种花色任我选择
xin1 de jiu4 de
飞的高高fly high越远越好the further the better
fei1 de gao1 gao1, yue4 yuan3 yue4 hao3
剪断了线它就死掉 cut the line, it will die
寿命短短life is short高兴就好it's good as long as (you are) happy
shou4 min4 duan3 duan3, gao1 xing4 jiu4 hao1
喜欢就好as long as you like it没大不了it's no big deal
xi3 huan1 jiu4 hao3, mei2 da4 bu4 liao3
越变越小越来越小 becomes smaller and smaller, smaller and smaller
快要死掉也很骄傲 it will die soon, but still very proud
你不想说就别再说 don't talk anymore if you don't want to talk
我不想听不想再听 I don't want to listen, don't want to listen anymore
就把一切誓言当作汽球一般随它而去 let all the promises be like the balloon, n go with it
我不在意不会在意放它而去随它而去 I don't care, won't care, let it go, let it go along
气球 Balloon
飘进云里 floating into the clouds
飘进风里 floating into the wind
结束生命 end its life
气球 Balloon
飘进爱里 floating into love
飘进心里 floating into heart
慢慢死去 dying gradually

2.I'm Confused

I saw their lights on the boulevard

My blood ran like water back and forth

But darling, please, say we're not done yet

Somebody's out there

There's nothing to do

My mind was set on you

I'm confused (3x)

I know, my love, I know it's easy to do

I hope this life don't get you down

This dirty old time in this dirty old town

And if you're feeling instructive

There's something to do

Sometimes we get confused

I'm confused (3x)

I know, my love, I know it's easy to do

"I'm confused"

3. God Has a Voice

All my charities made love to you

Watching dolphins in the sea
The Earth is a prettier place to be
All my charities belong to thee

Black bodies float in the sea
We can see
but we can't see me
a starlit shroud like the dark to you
Laughter echoes in my private room

Kissing fireflies on the beach
However sweet as they can be
Everyone has love to give
Hearts will teach us how to live

My body wept
My fear was so free
The water softly
tickles me
my heart is pounding waiting for
the ocean deep enough to lift my veil

Crystal light shines through our eyes

God has a voice, she speaks through me
Every creature longs to be
in his arms please carry me

I'm happy in the light of day
My skin glows bright in the sun rays
My shadowed world seems so far away

My angel told me not to fear
Love is free from everywhere
Listen to that special part
It will save us, its the heart.

God has a voice he speaks through me
God has a voice she speaks through me

Crystal light in every creature
Crystal light, (in every creature)
Everyone has love to give

4. Smokey Taboo

They call you smokey taboo
I got your name tatooed
High like a helium balloon
Midnight to noon
I'm a desert child
And nuns make me nauseous
I like to look up wild
At an infinite sky
Twinkling with diamonds
It's true
I get depressed in fancy hotel rooms
Undressed
With nothing to flaunt but my lonelyness
Thinking of the night song of your head
Premature as evening falls across to me
Interrupted by the syrinx in the streets

Cristal Heaven

Somedays
You're like an anchor on my heart they say
The stove and water taste sweet
more like rotten milk and rancid meat to me
I prefers when it is free
Like looking at the stars
Don't need no fancy cars
When they first
Our kisses sparked
Yeah i'm afraid of sharks
But not the dyke

5. Drug

You are a drug to me
I never ever thought it otherwise
And I love the lies you've told to me
While looking me directly in my eyes

This is not ecstasy, but it's better than cocaine.
and you know that I will miss you when you're gone
but I'm not equipped to play this game

You know your words
They don't mean anything to me
They only serve to fatten up the prey
And when it's time to take them to the slaughterhouse
you slice their throats, continue on your way

This is not jeopardy
and it's not your high school prom
and you know that I will miss you when you're gone
But I'm not equipped to be your mom

You are a drug to me
I never ever thought it otherwise
And I love the lies you've told to me
while looking me directly in my eyes

YouTube MixTape

2010-07-29T03:51:00.000-07:00

Yah, I love mix tapes.

Now, one for YouTube:

1. When she loved me | I used to dub this as a performance for our English film hobby grp at the age of 13.

2. Kill Bill whistle song | Can't get out of my mind recently

3. Ladies of the world | Flight of the Concords always gives a good laugh

4. Twice | old Chinese shadow puppet made alive by the Swedes, really amazingly beautiful

5. Busy Line | Rose Murphy

6. Tale of Mere Exsistence of... | I like guys who can talk funny emotionlessly

a little lesson about Darmstadt

2010-07-27T06:23:00.000-07:00

Some facts from Wikipedia:

The name Darmstadt first appears towards the end of the 11th century, then Darmundestat; Literally translated, the current German name Darmstadt means "Intestine City". This is just a coincidence however, and the origins of the name are unknown.^[5] Even locals often believe, incorrectly, that the name derives from the 'Darmbach' (a small stream formerly running through the city). In fact the stream received its current name much later, after the city, not vice versa.

In the beginning of the 20th century Darmstadt was an important centre for the art movement of Jugendstil, the German variant of Art Nouveau. Annual architectural competitions led to the building of many architectural treasures of this period.

Also during the industrial age, in 1912 the chemist Anton Kollisch, working for the pharmaceutical company Merck, first synthesised the chemical MDMA (ecstasy) in Darmstadt.

Darmstadt was the first city in Germany to force Jewish shops to close in early 1933, shortly after the Nazis took power in Germany.

The Russian Chapel was built as a private chapel by the last Tsar of Russia, Nicholas II, whose wife Alexandra was born in Darmstadt.

The 'Jazz-Institut Darmstadt' is Germany's largest publicly accessible Jazz archive.

The 'Internationales Musikinstitut Darmstadt', harboring one of the world's largest collections of post-war sheet music,^[21] also hosts the biennial Internationale Ferienkurse für Neue Musik, a summer school in contemporary classical music founded by Wolfgang Steinecke. A large number of avant-garde composers have attended and given lectures there, including Olivier Messiaen, Luciano Berio, Milton Babbitt,Pierre Boulez, Luigi Nono, John Cage, György Ligeti, Iannis Xenakis, Boris Porena, Karlheinz Stockhausen and Mauricio Kagel.

The European Space Operations Centre (ESOC) of the European Space Agency is located in Darmstadt.

Twin towns / Sister cities

Darmstadt is twinned with: (Just because I don't know any of them except Freiberg)

Almost great

2010-07-27T02:23:00.000-07:00

I think a lot. I think a lot when I'm bored. I think a lot when I'm bored at work. I think a lot when I'm bored at work and found how the world wide Information HIGHWAY is almost great. Here's an internet mix tape of a few of my fav:

1. Angular Momentum | one of the xkcd wicked geeky Comics

2. Ich bin Maru! | a very fat cat

3. Inside Out | a short imagined monologue

4. Sushi Cat | a game where you feed your cat with sushi to be heavy enough to see a girl kitty (pay attention even when the page is loading)

5. What is Chinglish? | a wiki page worth reading

6. Shit Loads of Mixtapes | hugely eclectic music pulled together by Kitsune Nior

7. Nerd Boyfriend | style tips

8. My Mom is a Fob | my mom is painfully nosy, unintentionally hilarious, and endearingly fobby

nothing

2010-05-09T15:28:00.000-07:00

I just realized how badly some of my previous posts were written.

dream again

2010-05-09T12:26:00.001-07:00

last week, i dreamt two nights in a row about a robot boy and girl who could only stay alive by holding hands and becoming power charged up. the robots weren't in love with each other, but they were handed a cruel fate where one couldn't survive without the other. they couldn't be in a relationship with other people because no one would put up with their power needs. it was a really sad but sweet dream and very detailed.

sun behind the cloud

2010-04-27T06:10:00.000-07:00

the past was happy

yet the future is blurry

are you there for inquiry

don't tell me that I am unique

cause I want my life easy

trapped in doubts

n now I can't see

you can't deal with uncertainty

n neither can i

without thee

there is only insecurity

2 weird dreams lately

2010-04-22T09:52:00.000-07:00

1. I was watching something from a screen. On the screen it was the area in SH where I lived. Suddenly a tornado came. Instead of going vertical, it is coming horizontal. Instead calling a tornado, I called it black hole in the dream. Then the screen zoned in to the window of our apartment, n I could see my parents standing at the window looking nervously. Sou... the buildings were gone, into the tornado or black hole. Wtever.

I picked up the phone n dialed the number. As usually, mom picked up the phone. I told her that I saw that our building was sucked into the hole. She said yes, and said that last year, the people who sucked into the hole never came out again. Then she asked me if I still need money in Switzerland...

Yes, she always does that. Every time I talk to her. When in high school, she always blame me for spending too much. Now she's "blaming" me for spending too little. I miss her.

2. I don't remember what it is about. But just I had this strange haircut in the dream. I sort of shaved my hair in the middle maybe months ago in the dream, or rather lost my hair. From front to the back, no hair for around 4 cm. But very little hair had grown, so it was all fluffy now in the dream. The rest of the hair is the same as I have now, almost reaching the shoulder.

Now WHAT DOES THIS MEAN????!!

Intercultural Competence

2009-09-01T06:25:00.000-07:00

I'm still choosing my courses on HSG's bidding system. Yah, it's a school mainly consists of a business school and a law school, so we BID for courses. We have 500 points for each category of courses, then we allocate the points to "buy" the course we want. A seat in the course is, here, a scarce resource. The one who pay more than or equal to enough will get a seat.

Anyway, there's a course called "Intercultural Competence" I would like to take. N here's sth I found it particularly funny in the course discerption about the grade assessment method. I can't really explain why this is funny, but, well, here we go:

Participants choose two of the four topics for the graded essays. Maximum length of essay: 5000 characters (attn students with Chinese background: 5000 single latin letters, not words!), blanks included, approx. 2 pages - but not counting graphs, tables, figures and bibliography.

leaving, not yet

2009-09-01T04:56:00.000-07:00

I thought I was supposed to be in die Sweitz on 24th, Aug, but I hadn't got my student visa yet and there was an error from the school and the German course actually started on the 3rd, so I thought I was supposed to be there tmr. So I had my farewell party last Sat (it was great, thx all for the love, muah!) because I thought I could get my visa yesterday and would be busy packing my stuff today, but, here I am again, downloading some more musics from "Google Music" for free (coz this won't be available in places other than mainland China) and looking up events to fill my boredom, since the council informed me that I'll need 5 more working days to get my visa.

So, this time I'll prob. leave on the coming Sunday or Monday, and my schedule this week have already been almost all booked.

I had a strange feeling these days. It somewhat reminds me of "1984". Winston knew he is going to die, but he doesn't know when, so he's living by days he has on hand. I feel like I was sentenced to death, but then the authority decided to give me a few days extension, so I got a few more days of free happy time. And then they told me that I was to die tmr, but they told me yesterday that I got another weeks' free happy time. It also reminds me of "Meet Joe Black". Bill Parish knew he's gonna die, but he realized that he has had all, so he wasn't particularly sad. Going to Switzerland definitely can't equal to death, I choose to live there. I'm not particularly sad about leaving. I've dealt with so many already. It is meant to be a new page. Yet because of all the emotions attached to this city, Shanghai, however mad it is right now, I'm reluctant.

I am ready. You can take me anytime you like. But if there is still time, I would always find something to deal with the time. I feel happy and lucky with the extra time, and I am so eager to make full use of it. I've never felt so badly in my life that time is scarce.

CSI

2009-06-09T19:04:00.000-07:00

I was the last one to leave the office last night, n the 2nd to arrive this morning. As I came, I found some mysterious human footprints on the floor. It was a serious of muddy prints of a pair of feet sized ard 43.

After we followed ard the prints we found it started from one room in the G/F. One of the screen windows in that room was laid on the floor neatly with a cut on the screen. So apparently, the guy came in through the window. He then made his way to the bookshelf, he hesitated in front of one package of books, n that pack was the only pack that is open now. He then made a loop ard the sofa n went upstairs. Surprisingly, the prints skipped our room n went straight to the admin's room n the CEO's room.

The print either disappeared from the balcony or the mud faded coz there's no print showing the way out. No item is missing, but he prob. has searched a blackberry box n some letters on the desk.

Mysterious. Was it a sleep-walker, or a thief break-in? Will my life in danger if I leave the office even a bit later last night? lol

project in mind

2009-06-07T19:49:00.000-07:00

Just a note for myself.

blog bus

stuff yellow ppl like abt white ppl

grass hat

old lane house (DongJiaDu, SuZhou Creek, HongKou Footbal Statium, 1933, some frech concession)

drum

drive

Oldies today...

2009-05-22T00:41:00.000-07:00

Went to RATATAT last night saw some old ppl there. Well, that's pretty cool actually. I asked JS if he'd be the same when he get old, and he said he would, but he would dress better, lol

There's this old lady I saw almost everyday on the bus to work. She gets on the bus several stops after me, after 9am, so she can take advantage of the free-ride policy for the old ppl here. Every single time I saw her, there will be some one give up their seats for her, and every single time, she would say "o, thx, u so kind. Kids today... ai... they never give seats to we old people. They are so unkind!" =S

boy n cat n boy-cat

2009-04-27T07:15:00.000-07:00

Ok, I gonna adopt the cat "XiaoFan" from NT soonish, guess I won't need a bf for a while. Btw, that's a boy-cat.

DVD, bf n youtube

2009-04-13T06:53:00.000-07:00

My DVD player is on strike, which makes me the only person in SH who can't watch DVD, now I need a bf.

Ok, maybe not so urgently, since we CAN watch youtube again. But I'll def. need one even this site got banned.

horoscope for the coming Sat

2009-04-10T01:15:00.001-07:00

Here is your single's love horoscope
for Saturday, April 11:

Play it safe when it comes to words right now -- you could end up munching on your Jimmy Choos. Your sense of adventure sends you swimming like Michael Phelps through the dating pool, breaking hearts at world-record speeds with your actions and your comments.

Where I want to live in.

2009-04-01T06:27:00.000-07:00

I'd love to live in an 5 or 6-story high Chinese apt. building built in the 1980s, the ones I grew up in, where you smell the oil in the air and see the dust on the cement stairs and rusty stair holds, and you can smell you neighbours food and hear the couples arguing or the kids crying as the parents beat them up with a feather dust.

Dream

2009-03-24T20:20:00.001-07:00

Had a strange dream last night:

It was College Entrance Exam. Somehow I went there with Erika and Ryan, a guy who should be one batch earlier than me in my high school. We sat in a classroom in another highschool together waiting for the exam when we need to go to different classrooms and take our exams. We were waiting on 42/F, then we need to go to 79/F for the exam. We feel really relaxed and I remember we were talking about cheating and it sounds like really easy to cheat.

As I sat in my classroom 5 mins before the exam, somebody stand in front of the room, prob. the monitoring teacher asked us to present our attendance sheet. I panicked as I don't remember I got such a sheet. Then the teacher asked me to run to 42/F and ask the lady behind the reception desk to issue me the sheet. I grabbed my student card n ID card n ran.

I passed by the toilet then I thought maybe I should use it before I go to get the attendance sheet, but I found there are still several girls waiting in line, so I dashed to the lift lobby right away. I remember the hallway is somewhat like that in a hospital or a factory with classrooms in the middle of the building and hallways with windows around it, somewhat like my primary school but much larger. Several other girls has got the attendance sheet in the last minute and walking to the classroom in the opposite direction. I got to the lift lobby. As the lift door opened, a kind-looking girl came out and smiled at me and confirmed that it's the 42/F.

The lift looks rusty. the school building is brown on the outside and dark grey inside, just the cement color. I was alone in the lift. It got to 42/F in no time. When I got out of the lift, it suddenly started raining cats and dogs outside. The "reception desk (or sth like that)" is weirdly located near a men's room. Yet a cleaning lady was cleaning the toilet and locked the door. The reception desk is on a platform (balcony) outside the building, so... it's under the rain. No one is there behind the desk...

There was another teacher on the hallway, watching the cleaning lady mopping the floor, apparently she was the one who issues attendance sheet. So I turned to her and asked for my sheet, but she was like it's too late, I even turned to the cleaning lady, and she gave me the same blank look and told me that she can't help. I was really begging them that I have to take the exam, I can't afford to screw it up. But, the blank and "none-of-my-business" look.

Then I woke up. Strange all the people in the dream are girls. Well, expect Ryan, not even a close friend.

Anyway, it feels sooo relieved now, and glad that I'm not taking any exam in the "not-so-far" future.

Random

2009-03-24T19:12:00.000-07:00

I laughed at old people who know none of romance, none of fantasy, none of adventures and dreams.
Until I grow to be one of them, and struggle so hard not to forget the time when I laughed at them.

2.
Life is a one way track. When fights are resolved, wounds healed, passion re-ignited, and friends united, nothing goes back to the exact past state. Things and people move on to the better, worse or different. You see the past through them, but only relics of it remain.

3.
I once picked friends by favor, made efforts to see those I liked every day, and thought this could last for a lifetime.

Then I pick friends by proximity, smile to people close by, company them and have them as company. We chatter and chatter for days at a time, not understanding one another, not being understood, and not needing to.

Then most of them drift away, while some remain the anchor of my life. They are rocks that have been dulled out their original angles and colors, beautifully existing for their time value alone. We see each other once or twice a year, or maybe not at all.

When even that is gone, I make friends with heart.

4.
Relationships are like a clear sheet of paper. You start from pure and simple with a zillion possibilities. Then you doodle on it, color it, or fold it into things. Sometimes things go right; the picture looks so good that you want to freeze it right there right then -- we all know it would change. Sometimes it gets so messed up that you'd rather crumple it, throw it away and grab a new sheet.

But there are relationships that you can never crumple and discard, like birth family, and the family you give birth to. Or others that you've crumbled, that you want to spread and flatten out again. Then you see those heart-breaking creases and wrinkles and torn chunks, and wish you didn't do what you did.

The rational advice to give is that you never crumple it in the first place.
The reality is that we are human, so the statement above is bullshit.

5.
Love is an acquired taste, which takes a prepared mind to maintain. We all want to believe it's whimsical art, but it's really, simply, hard-core science. It's beautifully rational, and rationally beautiful. Kiddo, just take my word for it.

March 2009

2009-03-08T04:34:00.001-07:00

My 1st spring in SH, well, after 4 yrs, when I finally don't have loads of homework on weekends. So what's here this March?

Oasis concert officially cancelled 1st, Sun.

DK starts bedridden 2nd, Mon.

A new site for LaoWai, aiyowala, started by DK 5th, Thu.

Tiga came to BonBon 6th, Fri.

My friend Akyo had her singing contest 7th, Sat.

Banana Monkey, the Rovers, DJ R3 Rick (all are cute guys) had just put up some gigs in LOgO last night, 7th, Sat.

Juan Atkins came to Shelter 7th, Sat.

DeadMau5 came to Muse2 7th, Sat.

Adult Expo 6th-8th, Fri-Sun.

Prince Nicky is leaving SH, prob. not back for awhile, 9th, Mon.

My friend Joe Buztler is coming to SH, yes, again, so I'll meet him in SuZhou n Wuxi on 11th n 12th, Wed and Thu.

Michael De Hey is going to Muse2 13th, Fri (O_O Fri the 13th again?!).

Weekend Idea is going to JinJiang Park (if weather is good) 14th, Sat.

Joseph E. Stiglitz will talk about Stability with Growth for China & Our World 15th, Sun

Staint Patrick's Day 17th, Tue (wear green... hats).

My friend Davide Zabeo's new band, MONROE STAHR is going to play at Bulldog and YuYinTang 20th-21st, Fri n Sat.

CHEN QiZheng concert 21th, Fri.

Fucked Up will get fucked up at LOgO 21th, Fri (owner of LOgO sez he'll move away everything in the bar except the equipments and the bar. No stools, no sofa).

Juliette Binoche walking out from the Lancome billboard to SH Oriental Art Center performing in modern ballet "In-I" 27th n 28th, Fri n Sat.

Battles+PK14+LAVA(wtever their name is) at Dream Fac. 28th, Sat.

Book Club hopefully have the 3rd meeting to talk about "I love dollars" by end of the month.

SH Literary Festival throughout the month.

Honey Bonnie Bunny is looking for a cheap apt. to share for Apr. in XuJiaHui/ HongQiao/ French Concession.

What I want

2009-03-08T00:22:00.000-08:00

Please send me: very smart, whimsical, delicious mind, responsible, tall but not too tall, soft hair, loves small animals, wants to dance, goes on adventures just because, well traveled, looks good on paper, remembers his dreams, avid internet user, falls asleep holding hands, knows the lyrics to his favourite songs, funny as fuck, knows how to cook, can play an instrument, reads blogs, loves his mom, is a man not a dick, rides a bike, knows what it means to chill the fuck out, but also knows what it means to keep with the schedule, is never bored at parties, open to new ideas but stands by his old ones, knows how to draw, has a good laugh, not allergic to cats, is never purposely unkind, loves beach, looks at me and makes me feel infinite, is passionate about something, understands good photography, is competitive like crazy, says my name in just the right way, wants to get to know my family, doesn't mind walking in the rain, is good at kissing, knows how to take control but isn't a control freak, is my best friend but has other best friends, gregarious, doesn't need positive re-enforcement, reassures me by act, understands the art of storytelling, likes wanton, always knows where north is, owns a tasteful ipod, not needy, has a good job, knows how to read a fucking map n likes reading a map, has friends who would do anything for him, wakes me up in the mornings, has a good grasp of the english and chinese language, n maybe german, loves my friends, writes funny stories, knows when to be aggressive, has good cadence, writes a good email, playful like monkeys, makes me smile from the heart and laugh out loud, does good impressions, keeps his word, cares about other people's feelings, reads books i actually care about, has no inner monologue, tells me secrets, is good at love.
it's not much, right? I doubt if I can put all these in a dating profile.

Isn't this FUN?!

2009-02-08T00:23:00.000-08:00

Here is your single's love horoscope for Monday, February 9:

Ideals are huge right now -- so turn off a light and save the earth. Go on a green date. Enjoy an organic dinner by candlelight; walk rather than drive; or use veggie condoms and eco-friendly lingerie. Explore in the dark!

I'll blog about my recent trip to GuiLin during Chinese New Year (CNY) sometime soonish.

NY @ NJ

2009-01-06T21:15:00.000-08:00

I fled from SH with Jeanne and Nicky and took a trip to NanJing during the new year holiday. I've been there once while a kid, the only thing I recall abt that trip is the red lanterns on QingHuai river and the old wall which left the city a historic impression on me.

Jeanne drove us there with her red Cherry, was a nice ride. The sun was shining brightly from behind the clouds. The radiance spraying on to the ground like what we usually see in those holy Christian paintings. I felt as if I was loved, I mean, I FELT.

We arrived our youth hostel located by QinHuai River and near FuZi Temple around 6pm. The location is very convenient. We just walked around the night market in FuZi Temple, and from then on, we started our food journey. It was nice to know that Nicky could eat a lot and is quite adventurous about local food, so Jeanne is very happy about this and kept on saying "try this", "not bad", "eat more lah". Yes, LAH, she's Singaporean lah~

We then took a boat along QingHuai River. The river looks quiet and nice at night, although you can't escape from the neon lights around the river and all those sculptures that people later put there in memory of the famous people, poets, scholars, famous prostitutes, etc.. Yes, you heard that, prostitutes. Nanjing was the capital for more than 10 dynasties, and it was also the capital of prostitution during Ming Dynasty, esp. at the end of Ming n the beginning of Qing. Those prostitutes are much more literate then those you can see now behind the glass doors of those pink-neon-lights salons. To be a prostitute you have to know how to play the musical instruments, chess, calligraphy and painting, plus beauty and submissiveness, almost a perfect girl, huh? But just because they were born from a poor family... Sitting on the boat, I feel going back to that time when life is pleasant and relaxed. And I can't stop thinking why those scholars don't seem happy and have all sorts of concerns in their poems. Maybe people just don't deserve to be totally happy, or... hardness is just anywhere, as well as happiness.

We were still recovering from the NYE party which was totally awesome in MoCa, so we knock out early. The next day, we went to the NJ Massacre Memorial. The park is very nicely built with architectures, statues and atmosphere well fit into the heavy theme.

There are lots paper birds in the memorial, esp. lots from Japanese tourists. Paper birds are a way of bless in Japan.

A site discovered in these years with numerous skeletons buried there. Does that mean people in NanJing are actually live on 300,000 body? This thought make the city feel pretty haunted. Damn the wars!

No peace is free, it needs to be earned.

A couple taking pictures in the memorial. Looks weird.

Later that day, we went to Xuan Wu Lake park.

Wait, not yet. We need to continue our food journey first.

It reads "Hong Kong Peeing Beef Balls".I guess that's because the balls contain soup inside and if you are not careful, the soup might spill. Tastes nice though.

Where the BeiJing Olympics were held.

Nice chill in the boat, then we went on our food journey again!!!

The 8 most famous food for QingHui River. They actually look more impressive than they taste.

Nicky had some awesome noodle, and some not some awesome Chinese sushi (prob. with sticky rice... with no wasabi or vinegar). Jeans had drum stick, awesome, lamb chop, awesome, and a lot of something else, awesome.

Tang2 Hu2 Lu2, literally "sugar gourd".

Originally, they are made by "hawthorn" or "crataegus" coated with heavy sugar

But now, we can just have any fruit, Kiwi, tangerine, anything.

Nicky having his strawberry tang hu lu. Look how happy he is in China.

We wanted to kill the time between dinner and clubbing, then we came across a theater where they show porn all night long for 15 RMB. We went to another hall with 10RMB show tho, and was expecting for some spice.

Anyway. the show was put up by a group of 3 guys and 3 girls. The guys were singing or playing musical instruments while the girls were changing (behind the stage, of coz). The dance was ok, regular club dance put onto a theater stage. They tried to dress revealingly. One girl was too chubby and too dark according to oriental standards, and another girl had her push-up shown while moving her shoulders. But she didn't seem to care.

The audience were mainly male. 4 girls out of about 20 peeps there... and Jean n me are 2 of them.

Jean n I tried to sleep, but the Chinese pop disco was too loud. Anyhoo, Nicky quite enjoyed it, for 1. He's a guy, 2. the show is "very different and quite an experience".

So, it's NY, despite the fact we just had a crazy NYE party in MoCA artlab, we were still ready to go. Jean was "too old" to go, so that left Nicky n me. We went to a place called 1931 (or sth like that). It's basically a bootleg of XinTianDi, while XinTianDi is more a bar/lounge place for the rich bastards, 1931 is more of a crowd of clubs, Chinese ones. We went on a club hop, 4 clubs in all. The 1st one is progressive house, the music is not bad, we had a booze (waited a long time, they hand our $ to the counter outside the club, then came back n give us the change, no idea why they dun hv the cashier in the bar. n the bartender was very laid-back, they were chatting n making our simple drinks VERY slowly), then we r ready to hit the dance floor, then we found there's actually NO, not even a small one. a few ppl is dancing ard their seats. So we left to the 2nd one. N it was too crowded, no ppl were allowed to go in. So the 3rd one, ok, hiphop, tiny dance floor, not bad, but I got to flirt with the bartender to make him bring my beer faster, meh =/ The last one is kinda fun. It was almost 4am, we went to TM (got several TM in SH, never been to any), and, guess what, that was all Chinese pop. A couple of fat Chinese men with tie n suit n their, um, mistresses/lover (?). We were the only ppl doing funny dance there. Anyway, Nicky was one of the 4 foreigners we see the whole night, and all the clubs have a guard standing on the DJ floor, and we are sure the guards can't spin.

Ok, that's pretty much it, we went to TangShan hot spring on our way back to Shanghai, Can't believe I was wearing bikini in this chilly weather. Thanks again to Jean for being our chauffeur.

Mind Travel

2008-12-10T19:52:00.000-08:00

My frd once said that I am spacey, I mean my mind is spacey. Basically it goes everywhere, or you could say that it can never focus. Well, whatever. As the holidays are approaching, I can't stop my mind flowing. I'm thinking about some travel plans for the general New Yr (Jan 1-3) and the Chinese New Yr (Jan 25-31).

I was flipping around travel books, and got so excited just browsing through the maps and pictures. I might just go to only a few places there, but having my mind traveled there is just as if I've already been there. It is like whenever I pass by a nice cafe on the street, I always hoped that I can be sitting there reading a book and relax. But I am always on my way for something else that I seldom got a chance to do that. But just during the seconds of those imaginations, I have already relaxed there.

As quoted from CashBack, Sometimes love is hiding between the seconds of your life.

There are some other Holidays next yr: Apr 4-6, May 1-3, May 28-30, Oct 1-8.

Fawk the stupid cops!

2008-11-20T05:20:00.000-08:00

Shoot, I lost my phone! my iPhone!

I realized last night, then I thought I left it in the office coz I remember putting it into my bag in the morning. I called my # it was powered off. But I didn't remember touching it afterwards. Then when I saw my empty desk this morning, I knew "shoot, I lost my iPhone!" But I still thought there might b a mere chance that it's still in my home, coz I didn't look it up last night. Then I called my # again n it was switched on...

I then went to the Police, hoping that there might be sth like a GPRS system that they can track the signal， only to prove that I was too naive. The cop was like "girl, u watched too many films".

Wow, so what? I'm a drama queen?

"We only have a few machines in Shanghai that can do that. So there's not much capacity, what about we record you case first?"

I went like "but what are you going to do after you recorded?"

"We'll report, then we'll see"

O,,, report... in China... "By the time you reported, the phone will be switched off, then I could never got my phone back!"

"Well, what can we do? If we track every lost as soon as they reported, we'll be busy as hell."

"But that's your job to catch the thieves! If you track the phone once they reported stolen, then there won't be that many thieves!"

"This is a high-tech machine. If we use it that frequently, the thieves will hack it, then we'll need new technology."

"Isn't it the way for development?!" OK, let's face it. I'm too naive and lived in a movie-made bubble or my own fantasy. So now it's time for me to grew up and lose faith again, this time in the cops anyway. What a mad world...

The 1st question in ur mind when u wake up

2008-11-09T17:56:00.000-08:00

The 1st question in my mind when I open my eyes everyday is recently "what time is it" so then I can calculate how long I can still lying there.

My mom once told me the 1st question I ask her everyday when I was little was "what should I wear today". This much expressed a woman's in-born desire for beauty and explained why I'm usually late for an appointment.

While being a student, near the term end my question was "when is the deadline", while usually my 1st question was "what I should do today". One of the few good things of hving a job but not a student is that I dun need to think abt what I should do.

But I rather hv a blank mind during weekends, esp after a crazy night out. My weird biological clock always wakes me up at ard 7, and my 1st question always keeps me awake.

From what to wear, to what to do, to how long I can sleep, to hopefully not thinking anything, am I knowing the life better or am I getting more n more boring?

114!!! =D

2008-10-29T22:05:00.000-07:00

Wt # is this?

So I've finished my TOEFL test on Oct 12th, and it is said that I can know the result in 15 days, which is this Monday (27th, Oct). But I totally forgot. It was this morning when I was on the bus to work I suddenly realized that I should go check the result.

It was quite a long process. I forgot my login ID 1st, then I thought the score is about to appear, but it happened to be a page to ask u if u want to know the score or deliver the score. And after that, I saw my score. 114. Sunshine n lollipop! I just can't afford a bad result when I'm sure that my English is quite good. Coz I hvn't really spend time on that test. All I did is just promised my mom that I would have no entertainment b4 the test, so I stayed in n watched boston legal all day long with the excuse to practice listening.

So, like I said, I'm not a kid who cares abt the score a lot. I remember how I check the score of the most important exam in my life: GaoKao (College Entrance Examination). The score is released at midnight. But I dun usually stay up late, so I went to bed early the night before and slept till the next morning. I brushed my teeth, washed my face n applied the skin care things, then, and only then, I approached to the phone n checked the scores. My parents were pretty shocked as how could I be so calm. They actually woke up during mid night n checked the scores.

The scores were pretty good. So I was totally excited after I knew it.

There's no point of this post actually, just to show that I'm cool. ha. And 114 TOEFL for almost no preparation is pretty awesome.

shrug

2008-10-15T05:14:00.000-07:00

I've been taught since a kid to compete with others.

I remember while in primary school, we have a chart in the classroom that ranks us according to every test. I was doing pretty good actually, tho not the 1st. There was once that the teacher marked me wrong. I was correct in the test, but she somehow still deducted my points. I thought it doesn't matter coz it is the knowledge that counts. But my mom wouldn't give up coz she wasn't happy to see me ranked lower. I was never a kid who is serious about marks, unless I know it's going to depress my parents.

It's not only the marks, it's everything. I need to get everything others can get. Go to the best schools, get into the most popular major, earn the highest salary, then what? Marry a nice guy who went to the best school and earned the fattest salary.

I am not allowed to live my own dream. Live my own dream means unpractical and nothing but having fun. I was only allowed to watch TV for 1 hr/week before junior high school, because me teachers think I have talents in piano and maths, so I was sent to weekend schools to live my parents dream of a pianist or a maths freak. While I was more into dancing, but my mom thinks one can only be a dancer when young n pretty, so she coaxed me to choose piano. I joined the dancing group in junior high school, drama group in senior high school, but my mom successfully dragged me out from these hobbies by telling me if I don't spend more time on serious study, I will not be able to get into a good college. Actually she was right, I was never a top student in class and I was even a bit below average in those routine tests. But I was always lucky to get into the best schools in the most important exams as they wished.

Now we come to a point when I need to choose my major, and very likely my career path. I wanted to go to design schools. But my parents told me, in China, only those dummies who can't go to college go to learn those drawing skills a second before the college entrance exam. So everyone can be a designer/actor in China, but only those who can't go to college will do that. As a smart kid, I knew I should let the world know that I'm smart by going to the top universities. So there I am in HKU. To earn a good salary later, I should only choose between Medical/Law/Finance, no Arts/Comparative Literature/Advertising. Again I should learn sth tough that no one else should learn or would know if they don't learn it. The point is, if I learn that, I can earn a big deal, and then, wow, luckily then, I can pursue whatever I want to, because I have $$ then!

Then I was stuck in accounting major and memorize all the rules. I hate it so I got poor GPA. But there my luck came again, I got into a Private Equity firm and have a very good work-life balance that my classmates envy about. As long as I told my mom I want to get a master degree in a prestigious US university, every time I go out my mom thinks that I should spend those time to make my application stronger. But why do I want to do the postgrad study? I don't know, that's everyone else do to get a better salary.

So, my life goal up to now is $. The more the better, because I can THEN do whatever I want to. But now, I don't know what I want to. I don't have a flexible body like the dancer, I can't free myself as the actresses, I know nothing about art and beauty like the artists, and I have a lot to catch on about the film studies. So I'm asking myself what I really want to do. Doom, I don't know.

Maybe, I am never determined to go my way. Ok, fine, now I'll just live everyone's life and dream my dream. *shrug* O, life.

I am Awkward around other females

2008-10-13T00:35:00.000-07:00

I am Awkward around other females.
I am the girl whom is girlish but not girlie.
I like pink but I don't like being catty.
I would never fit or conform to a sorority.
I only have one close girlfriend and she is pretty much like me.

I have always had more male friends than female, I'm crass and i don't fall in line like a sheep, I don't care to be married, I don't care to have kids, I don't care about name brands, I don't like to talk on the phone, and i don't watch Desperate Housewives.
For some reason i am awkward around a room full of women. I feel like the square peg that doesn't fit into the round hole. I don't have a tolerance for spoiled daddies girls whom complain about trivial shit.
and i don't lose sleep over others opinion of me. I never ask DOES THIS MAKE ME LOOK FAT? in search of compliments.

I am self reliant and independent,
Respect is more important to me than being accepted and liked.
I like having men as friends because they are more likely to be predictable and not hormonal and bitchy and i never feel like they are judging me.

I might be a boy in a woman's body whom acts like a feminist but can take dirty jokes and likes to be taken out to dinner and end the evening with a good head massage.

Piercing

2008-10-12T02:38:00.000-07:00

For the record, I finished my TOEFL test today in my high school and did 2 new piercing on my ears this afternoon. One on each side, so plus the old ones, I now have 2 on each side. I wanted to do 2 on my left, then the girl scared me by saying the 2nd one I want to do will be close to he soft bone and might hurt, so I gave up last second.

When the girl is doing the 1st piercing on my left ear, her 1st attend failed, coz she said that my ear edge is pretty thick, so the needle didn't go through, so she made a 2nd shoot. It was ok, coz it doesn't hurt, I mean, It wasn't painful at all when she shoot my ears, but now, it hurts a little bit, only a little bit. I'll do the undone one after these 2 have fully healed. I may also want to do one on my belly button.

A gem from MC

2008-09-28T07:25:00.000-07:00

I luv this paragraph, so I quote part of his blog post here:

I’ve had an epiphany up here. My pursuit of the arts was a pursuit of the perfect. By pursuing I mean create. But I cannot create perfection, no one can. No human can. We may try, but it is impossible. Whatever man creates, there is always room for improvement. There are solutions, upgrades, and progress and critiques. Nature does not need to solve anything, or upgrade its equipment, be concerned with progress, or have peers judging its acceptability and quality. It just is. It’s done. Its perfect. Sure life changes and evolves, and mountains collapse and rise, but there is order and purpose to this. Mankind has no order or purpose. We just build arbitrary superficial systems to impose social hierarchies that limit the division of resources to a set number of humans in a sickening and outdated tribal mentality. We claim superiority over non-humans, but we are the same as wolves or gorillas, but with guns and ipods.

CJ7

2008-09-25T06:29:00.000-07:00

I'm going to talk about CJ7. Wait, it's actually Shen Zhou7, I screwed up.

So ShenZhou 7 is launching in a bit. My parents are now watching TV, switching among chanels as waiting to see the launching.

I recieved a funny spam SMS from a ringtone platform. The platform is quite clear, it's not a cheat. Anyway. It is basically asking me to log onto the page and register for that service which they will later send me the sound sent to the ground from ShenZhou 7 after it landed. I am wondering how many Chinese will be this passionate about this. Well, we have 1.3 billion people, a small proportion is a large number.

As the first two spacefight made LiWei YANG and the crew national heroes, the crew is always the media focus. One of the Chinese newpaper wrote an article for the crew of 3 people, Zhai Zhigang, Liu Boming and Jing Haipeng, with the title reading "all from the peasant family, all are honest and frank people". This title makes me laugh. It makes me somehow feel that we are back in the Mao's time when workers, peasants and soldiers the proletariat go hand in hand to build a new China.

Fall

2008-09-25T06:26:00.000-07:00

I'll go slightly out of my way to step on that crunchy fallen leaf.

My personality

2008-09-23T07:23:00.000-07:00

I took the Jung personality test today.

My result is kinda accurate, but weird. I'm totally well-balanced, like I'm a bit of everything, but that's also like I'm sitting on the fence, ans hv no opion.

Extroverted (E) 59.38% Introverted (I) 40.63%
Intuitive (N) 54.29% Sensing (S) 45.71%
Thinking (T) 50% Feeling (F) 50%
Judging (J) 52.78% Perceiving (P) 47.22%

ENFJ - "Persuader". Outstanding leader of groups. Can be aggressive at helping others to be the best that they can be. 2.5% of total population.

Milkpowder and Marriage

2008-09-22T06:52:00.001-07:00

Married couple may need milkpowder. Yes, but that's not quite what I want to say.

Lately, on our family dinner table, the recent milk powder issue has been brought up again. We unevitably looked back at the past food accidents in China, and this made us feel creepy of being in here.

I went to the expat show with DK n Joe this weekend. It's basically a show with all the products and services targeted at expats. DK, a Taiwanese American, said that he's feeling bad, bcoz he's Chinese. What he meant is, the expat in SH is living a totally different (or high-profile) life here. There's even fruits for expat! What the hey! Well, expats' stomaches are pretty fragile, or, should I put it this way, Chinese stomaches are just too tough. Having experienced all these shaddy things in our food, our people is still living happily. And we won soooo many gold medals, we are such a strong and tough species!

I'm off topic. Back to the dinner table.

Con't...

Hide n seek

2008-09-14T06:05:00.000-07:00

I had my daily horoscope newsletter delivered to my mailbox again yesterday and it said that I would lost something. I am not quite sure if it was because I lost myself that I stayed in the whole Sat, but anyway, I didn't lose anything so I thought that horoscope was bullsh*t.

This morning, when I was searching my whole apartment for a German book, I accidentally found my electronic dictionary which I have been looking for for more than a month. But I still didn't find my German book. A "gain" and a loss, count as "break even". So I was ok.

Later in the evening, I found that I can't find my eyeglasses and the gucci glasses case. I remember I liked them so I hided them somewhere under good protection, but now I can't find them. Then I remembered that I had 2 other nice bras that I also hided and couldn't find them. It is like playing hide-n-seek with myself. I felt kinda pissed coz this count as a "loss", but my optimistic gene told me that I would discover them someday with great suprise as if they were a gift from god. I'm sure everyone has experienced this when they unexpected felt the 10-dollar-bill left in their pocket last summer.

Last summer,,, Oh, last summer! Last summer, I didn't want myself to have this guy all over my mind, so I got his photo+ student card out of my wallet n hided it together with his postcard. But now I totally got over him and wanted to find them out as a sweet memory. Somehow, I never see them again. But I was sure that I can always find them in my memory, with an effortless hide-n-seek.

With my brain, I can never lose anything.

Woman or Food?

2008-09-13T19:16:00.000-07:00

It's easier to be faithful to a restaurant than it is to a woman. - Fellini

Love is like defecation

2008-09-09T18:03:00.000-07:00

Love is like defecation,

you can's stop it when it comes.

Love is like defecation,

when flushes, it would never come back.

Love is like defecation,

it's different every time.

Love is like defecation,

Great effort sometimes only ends up in a fart.

I'm NOBODY

2008-09-07T19:36:00.000-07:00

I'm nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there's a pair of us — don't tell!
They'd banish us, you know.

How dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!

The poem's first stanza tells how the speaker meets a fellow "nobody" — a friend. Together, the two nobodies can enjoy each other's company and their shared anonymity.

As a pair, they aren't really nobodies anymore. That's why the speaker says, "Don't tell! / They 'd banish us, you know." She understands that once you have another "nobody" at your side, you aren't really a "nobody" anymore. And she doesn't want to be banished or kicked out from what she sees as a society of nobodies.

She's comfortable there.

In the second stanza, the tone of the poem changes. The speaker sounds confident. Perhaps it is her discovery that there are other people like her — other "nobodies"-- that makes her feels strongly that being a "somebody" isn't such a great idea.

She realizes that having a friend who understands you and accepts you as you are is more important than being admired by a lot of people or being in the "in" crowd.

Bogged Down

In the poem's second stanza, the speaker also makes a strange comparison. She says that being a somebody is like being a frog. What does this simile mean? Aside from Kermit, there aren't many celebrity frogs around.

Why does the speaker choose that amphibian as her representative of a public creature?

It's because frogs make a lot of noise. The poem says that frogs, though they can croak and make themselves heard and be noticed, are noticed only by "an admiring bog." The bog is the frog's environment, not the frog's friend. So who cares what the bog thinks?

That's what the poem says about being a "somebody" who gets noticed by an admiring public. Frequently, the relationship is impersonal and distanced, not like a real friendship.Somebodies may have many admirers, but they might not be able to make those personal connections that real friendship offers.

This special connection between two people who consider themselves outsiders is mirrored in Jesse and Leslie's friendship in Bridge to Terebithia. Jess and Leslie are "nobodies" who realize that being just like everyone else would be boring and would diminish their individuality. In the words of Dickinson's poem, it might be said that Jess and Leslie learn that it would actually be quite "dreary to be a somebody!"

Being "nobodies" helps them find each other.

Dickinson's Life

When composing "I'm nobody! Who are you?" it is likely that Emily Dickinson was writing from the heart. She was one of American literature's most reclusive figures. Apart from one trip to Philadelphia, one trip to Washington D.C., and a few trips into Boston, Dickinson spent almost her entire 56 years in her hometown of Amherst, Massachusetts. After she turned 40, she never left the boundaries of her family's property in Amherst.

This unusual life helped Dickinson to feel a bond with people who see themselves as being outsiders and unimportant. Yet, to think of her as a friendless hermit would be incorrect. In fact, the poet had a small number of intense and lasting friendships. These important relationships demonstrate the main idea expressed in "I'm Nobody": Companionship is the best remedy for a feeling of exclusion.

Thu Dinner

2008-09-04T22:21:00.000-07:00

I planned to go to a social networking event yesterday, however, at the last minute, I didn't feel social, so I didn't go there. But also in the last minute, KP(not KPMG), DK(not DKNY) and JX somehow agreed to have dinner together on HongMei Entertainment Street near my office, so I met the same old sh*ts again.

Credits shouldn't be given for calling itself entertainment street, because it is actually just bars/restaurants. Hold on, not exactly. I realized last night that there are actually some hookers there, in front of Nancy's Bar (yah, take out your pen and notebook and write this down;] ), or at least, they got some spice. Talking of hookers, it wasn't until last summer(2007) that I heard from my friend that there is some such scenes in SH. Now, take out your notebook and pen, which you already hided away, again, write this down: Ju Lu Rd.. No more Tong Ren Rd., they got cameras installed on the street! What the hell?!

I'm off topic. Anyway, the Mexican food wasn't bad, and the chat on the table is fun that I dun even remember what we talked about. Just one thing, KP told me that he knew my blog from a kinky dirty German colleague, who I have no idea who he is. And DK n KP is complaining that I was using too many abbreviations. So, now I'm writing proper Eng.

WTF

2008-08-31T04:37:00.000-07:00

I went to a dinner house party for our Pakistan frd, Kahlid, going back home. No rain drop yesterday, but bcoz of the stupid weather forcast, they changed a cheesy picnic into a house dinner party. He has a huge 18-yr-old red lable. When I got there, ppl were playing the "I've-never-dine-sth" drinking game. It was a bit ironic coz I then witnessed sth I've never seen b4.

Two guys, Harman, a Chinese, n Rocky, a New Yorker, drank quite a lot n pretty fast, we thought they were close to drunk, so we called stop n started heating the food to start dinner. I knew Harman b4, tho not close, and he brought Rocky, whom H also dunno much abt. During the drinking game, I just somehow felt I dun like R.

We dunno abt the Pakistan food, so were just standing ard chitchat while Kld was cooking. I was talking with Jady, then R came n flirt with her. Coz I dun like him, so I turned to other frds. All of a studden, I heard a loud noise of glass breaking, then I was totally shocked to see R flighting with H. H had his arms tightly grabbing ard R's waist, n R's left hand was tightly ard H's neck n beating him up with his right fist in 100% strength, saying "U wanna fight? I told u I'm golden glove..." we girls could do nth but asking to stop, n it took the strong Kld quite a while to finally seperate them. H had a bleeding eye, so we decided to send him to a nearby hospital. R, a girl n I went down stairs 1st to get a cab while the rest doing a simple clean for the wound. As we walk 2 get a cab, we asked R wt was up, n he just kept replying "he grabbed me 1st..." After the 1st cab sent H 2 the hospital, we pretended that we were all going back home 2 the same direction n put R in another cab n let him went back alone, since no body likes him n himself didn't offered to take the responsibility 2 go to the hospital together.

Luckily the wound was nth serious, was just a cut ard the corner of the eye, tho it was only 0.5cm close to the eye... So R was flirting too hard with J, n she didn't like that, so H came to protect her, n prob was a bit drunk so there were some body contact I guess, n this got R fierced up n bursted into fight.

We went back to the apartment after that, n some other ppl joined us n the rest was just fine.

I nv had such ppl in my frd circle. That was totally childish, uncivilized n only knows how to use violence. N he was just a loser afraid of taking any responsibility. We even thought of calling the police.

A very long march

2008-08-25T05:26:00.000-07:00

I opened my eyes while it was raining cats n dogs this morning. I forgot to book a taxi so I got to take the bus. Coz it'd be impossible for this middle-of-no-where when everyone in SH is looking for a taxi, though the rain stopped by then.

So I got to the Bus No. 757 bus stop around 8:20. There were already 3 buses of people in the stop waiting for the same bus. Two guys in front of me was complaining, and one of them said that he has been there waiting for 40 minutes and never saw the bus coming. We were lucky because this stop is the beginning stop where there are commoderators. One of them came to us shouting in SHnese that the bus was stuck in the way coming because of traffic jam and we'd better find other ways to go to work. There's no way to get a taxi and Metro doesn't go to my office. I can only turn to bus No. 700.

The bus stop is just in the front. There just happened to be a bus, but it already has more than 20 ppl gathered by both the front and back door. It seemed no way I can get on in a normal day, but, today is an abnormal day. The bus driver refused to open the back door, which should only be used to let people get off, but is a common practice in SH to let people get on when it's too crowded, provided that they pay at the front first. Since most people on the bus were just too lazy to move to the back door and we were pushing and squeezing very hard, I got on the bus and was standing in the middle from the front and back door. But all the people were very angry at the driver's stick-to-the-rule which is considered stubbon, because it was such a waste of time.

The super crowded bus.

So everybody got get on the bus, a non-AC one, and complaining about the driver. The pessangers suggested that the driver don't stop and open the door if no one is getting off at the next stop, because it could save time and easoer for the people standing against the doors as they can bearly move.

The bus driver asked if there's anyone getting off while he arrived at the stop, so he slowed down. No ppl were getting off so the passengers think the driver should ask earlier so he wouldn't need to slow down the bus. So he took the suggestion n asked pretty early the following stop. No body replied. He asked several times to make sure. Still no reply. So he passed. A few mins later, a lady shouted out "Damn, why you didn't stop?" The dtriver went, "Com'on, I asked hundreds of times and no one answers! What were you doing just now that you just realized?!" The lady shouted "No, you didn't ask. I didn't hear! You got to stop and let me off! Open the door!" The bus happened 2 be stuck in the jam, so the driver gave up and let her off.

As the bus moves in the jam, it's prob. much faster to walk than take the bus, so when it stuck at somewhere closer to the next stop the driver shouted "who ever want to ger off next get off here, I'm not gonna stop at the stop!" A bunch of people went off. Later we had another stupid woman sueing the driver didn't stop. I bet a normal driver would have went totally crazy, but I said, it's an abnormal day, everything went weird. This SHnese driver was anormaly patient.

The jam has no sign to get better, but the bus isn't that crowded. It took more than 20 mins to get to the next stop, so people just got off one stop before. After the bus turned onto CaoBao Rd., it stuck at the intersection for around 10 mins and still didn't seem to move. A girl asked the driver to stop so she could walk. But the nice driver rejected this time coz he can't open doors at intersections. The girl went mad "Oh, u've already broken the traffic rules so many times not stopping at the stops. I can sue you, you know." The driver was tough this time, "Go ahead! Go sue me! Who cares?!" The crazy girl stepped next to him and almost screaming:"You dare not to open the door. I'll show you, either you die or I." The driver had enough and finally opened the door.

The wheel finally roled a few round and stopped again. Now the bus is in the middle of the road instead of on the side. A guy got fed up and wanted to get off. There would be no danger, even if he got off in the middle of the street since all the cars around can't move at all. The driver may have realized that he had broken too many rules, so he couldn't to break one more. The guy went crazy as well, opened the buss window n jumped out of the window. Damn I missed a pic of the action!

After an hr on the 5-mins-drive CaoBao Rd., the bus turned onto HongXu Rd. and crawled pass YiShan Rd.. I finished my sandwich and apple before my office is finally half-an-hr walk away, so I decided to get off. The bus was on the side and not near an intersection, so the driver easily let me go.

This is how the street looked like when I got off. The air was very pleasant since the dust has been washed away by the rain. I haven't felt so fresh in SH for a long time, and walking on the street around noon during weekdays. It felt quite good. Tho it started raining again, and I left my umbrella at home, I felt quite good and lucky that I have an understanding boss that has no requirement on my arrival time (but I do go to work everyday around 8:30 everyday). But then...A "lake" lied in front me! I stared at it for a couple of minutes didn't find any better way, so I stepped in to the water.

After the very long march, I got to the office at almost 2, and my supervisor was still not there.

Later when I go back after work, there is still no 757 bus to carry me back and the buses were still there on the other side of the street. New reported this, and it was all because the water pump in WuZhong Rd. tunnel studdenly broken and water rised there to like a swimming pool in a few minutes during the peak of the morning rain. Thus, cars got stuck there.

Labour law experts suggested that arriving late at work today should not be counted as being late. So, lalala, I can still get normal pay~

Ex n clothes, which one to throw?

2008-08-23T07:39:00.000-07:00

Men has been comparing girls to clothes for centries, while I'm being generally a nice person, esp. when it comes to guys. But for those who had broken my heart... They dun hv the luck... They are mostly like clothes that I won't wear again.

I usually keep those clothes that I won't wear again, but throw away the ex. When it comes to such clothes, girls tend to be reluctunt to throw coz we've been spending time and $$ on that, and fashion may come back one day, so better keep them, though they are quite a waste of space.

But what about ex? Yes, we've spent much more time & $$ on ex, but if we dun't throw them away, they got to occupy the whole space of ur heart, no more space for the new one. What's more, they broke your heart. Clothes never broke your heart.

The question of "Can you be friends with an X" is really is "Can a broken heart be sowed even there will be a scare". It would be a "yes" if you still remember the time when he held your head when you fell asleep.

2008-08-23T02:30:00.000-07:00

M. C. accidentally sent me this song link. He meant to send 2 another frd, but this is a nice one.

Little Bit
Hands down
I'm too proud, for love
But with eyes shut
It's you I'm thinking of
But how we move from A to B it can't be up to me
Cause I don't know
Eye to eye
Thigh to Thigh
I let go

I think I'm a little bit
Little bit
A little bit in love with you
But only if you're a little bit
Little bit
Little bit
In lalalala love with me

Oh ah
Uh ooh ooh uh ooh ooh uh ooh ooohUh ooh ooh uh ooh ooh uh ooh oooh

And for you I keep my legs apart
And forget about my tainted heart
And I will never ever be the first
To say it's still a,
Game over
Ah ah ah

I would do it
Push a button
Pull a trigger
Over a mountain
Jump off a cliff
Cause you know baby I love you love you
A little bit

I would do it
You'd say it
You'd mean it
I would let you do it
It was you and I and I only Ha hm

I think I'm a little bit
Little bit
A little bit in love with you
But only if you're a little bit
Little bit
Little bit
In lalalala love with me
I think I'm a little bit
Little bit
A little bit in love with you
But only if you're a little bit
Little bit
Little bit
In lalalala love with me
Ah oh

Come here
Stay with me
Stroke me
By the head
Cause I would give anything
Anything
To have you as my man

Come here
Stay with me
Stroke me, by the head
Cause I would give anything
Anything
To have you as my man

Little bit
Little bit
A little bit in love with you
But only if you're a little bit
Little bit
Little bit
In lalalala love with me

I think I'm a little bit
Little bit
A little bit in love with you
But only if you're a little bit
Little bit
Little bit
In lalalala love with me
I think I'm a little bit
Little bit
A little bit in love with you
But only if you're a little bit
Little bit
Little bit
Little bit
Little bit
Little bit
Little bit
Little bit...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mUC0ezAlHwE

Bath in a splash

2008-08-22T02:28:00.000-07:00

Ever thought of jumping into the bath tub n make a naughty splash? Sure every one does, but then u'll prob. gotcha mama yealing at u, coz after all, it is she doing the housework.

Guess a guy who moved in with me will hv luck, coz I'll give him the freedom 2 jump into the bathtub, as long as we jump in together. LOL

I lately came across this splash chair design, however, I think it's be a better idea for a bath tub or a wash basin, coz it fits the subject well. Hmmm, maybe a toilet bowl as well? haha, I know I'm hving wierd thoughts again.

Breaking News: Micheal Phelps claimed independent!

2008-08-18T22:59:00.000-07:00

(Aug, 17th) Due to the outstanding performance on Beijing Olmypics, Micheal Phelps claimed independence. Thus, the number of the glod medals of American decreased to 11, Phelps, with 8 gold medals, is listed No. 6, only after PRC, USA, UK. Germany and Australia. On the same day, the US congress passed "Law of Anti-Independence of Phelps". Meanwhile, China's NPC passed "Phelps Relations Act". Whitehouse spokesperson strongly condemns and said that this is a gross interference in the internal affairs of the United States. U.S. President George W. Bush, when meeting China's Chairman HU, emphasised that there is one American in the world，and Phelps, Alaska, Hawaii and the continental United States all belongs to one United States of American. Bush also stated that Fedral Government is the only legal government representing the United States. Bush hoped that China can abide by "the Three Sino-US Joint Communiques" and will not send wrong signals to Phelps. Chinese leaders said that China insist on one-American policy and "Phelps Relations Act", and does not support either side to unilaterally change the status quo.

*****************************************************************************
Now time flies to the 2016 Chicago Olympics.

U.S and Phelps hold different opinions on the name Phelps would use to enter the game. The U.S. hope Phelps to enter in the name of "Phelps U.S." and claimed this an international common practice. While Phelps thought this would greatly dwarf himself, and hence, insist on entering the game in the name of "American Phelps". U.S. helplessly compromised.

Phelps is in another dispute about the admission order. He is unwilling to enter after **Island of United States as it would again dwarf himself. Therefore, the United States considered from an overall situation, and inserted P.R.C. inbetween. Phelps finally entered, he is holding his flag, 14 little circles under the Olympic rings symbolizing he owned 14 Olympic gold medals. At the moment he entered, the audience bursted into long cheers: One world, One dream, Free Phelps!

Crazy! Man~~

2008-08-18T05:55:00.001-07:00

http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUSN0338431320080604

Tattoo

2008-08-17T22:59:00.000-07:00

Inspired by Jean, Piggy n M.C., I'm seriously think of getting some tattoo.

A single angle wing on my left back in fluorescent blue ink n a butterfly on my right waist in the front in black ink.

Angel Wings History
Interestingly enough the angels present in the Western bible never had wings. If you read inthe old or new testment the angels and seraphim where very much human like in every way. In fact they did not even have a pair of wings. However, they were always the bearer ofimportant new from God. They often came down to earth to spread an important message. Often apperaing in dreams or during times of deep prayer to people and giving some form of important advice.
However, somehwere early on in history artists including painters, stain glass artists and even calligraphers that created illuminated pages of the bible seemed to incorporate a pair of wings with the angels, speraphim and nymphs that came to earth. Why this was done or where it started has been lost in history but it can be seen almost everywhere.
In modern art this traditional of angel wings has continued. You really can no longer find an angelic bieng without a pair of white feathery wings. It could be that early artists just wanted to show an angels special powers and have some way to represent an angel as looking different then humans. Of course the ideas that Haven is somehwere above us in the clouds or way up in the sky in some magical place must've lead early artists to the conclusion that angels had to have some form of transportation between heaven and earth. This might have lead to the wide use of angel wings. Who knows how this really got all started but it is clear today anyone with a pair of wings must be a special being from God.

My Summer of Love

2008-08-13T07:47:00.001-07:00

Summer is always a good time for me. It always means swimming, ice cream, vacation, travelling n some slight little crush ;) My exchange in S'pore gave me a summer of 8 months last year, and that was one of the happiest times in my life. Another happiest time was 3 yrs ago with SD.

This summer, no vacation, no travelling (coz I travelled too much in spring...), not much time for pool, can't get ice cream wheneer I want coz I'm stuck in office. Crushable moments? Sth happened lately almost ruined the summer. N I'm being quite depressed these days.

I spent the whole day research on one of the segments I;m looking into recently. However, I somehow could only find very fragmented info and was not able to make up a big picture. It was about time to go back home, but I still wasn't able 2 finish the report. Although, after brief the Senior Associate, he thought my findings were quite useful, and was ok with the draft, yet I walked the office feeling sth missing n just missed the bus and have to wait another couple of mins...

On my way back, I couldn't help but think negatively about this summer and about myself. I got off the bus, got on the other bus which would finally take me home, n was a bit annoyed how troublesome this bus thing is, then I found myself standing in front of an 1-yr-old baby n his grandpa.

The carefree baby can't understand what is going on in my mind. He was stretching his grandpa's face in all directions. It was funny. I wasn't that unhappy after all, so I smiled. The baby saw my smile n he smiled. And the grandpa smile. And the bus stopped at my stop. I got home faster then eepected, opened the door n saw the nice dishes my parents prepared.

Later, I got a msg from a frd I hvn't talked to for months. But her msg brought me back to the last supper we had in DeliFrance, HK. She wasn't a very close friend, but hang out with her is always delightful. And it always makes me smile to get know that sb. is thinking of me.

"I hope u still remember me haha :DHow r u doing in US? Beijing Olimpic is soooo exciting!!! The opening ceremony of the Olimpic was great!!!!!!I'll be working at Singapore Embassy in Korea soon.The words 'Singapore' and 'Beijing Olimpic' (i know u r from Shanghai though) remind me you and make me miss u a lot :) Keep in touch!"

Joe will b here next week. N he said he wanted 2 spend more time with me. Almost only 2 weeks left for this summer. I should just seize the time n enjoy this summer of luv of mine.

=[

2008-08-13T00:58:00.000-07:00

I got an email from the Boss this morning. It was a nice pic of the misty scene from Jade Dragon Snow Mountain near Li River, Yunnan, one of the places I've always wanted to go.

So the Boss is nice n suggesting that we hv a company outing there soon. I was excited, but wait, I realized something. So I am the only girl in this company. Well, there's a kid's mother. But not a girl. N all the guys are rich but married...

It's going to be fun...

2008-08-13T00:04:00.000-07:00

I hear quite a lot of white americans claiming that they like Barak Obama, so I guess they like him because they are afraid to be called a racist. Whites like to feel hippie n superior by making a difference. N whites love, meaning like more, to make a difference that doesn't need to give up anything. This somehow explains why many whites like most of the exotic spiritual Eastern religions but not Islam.

Later, I was talking 2 a friend from Austin, apparently, he is white, 2 bet who would win the election. I thought at 1st that Obama would win dui to the above reason, but then I realized that the vote is secret and people who are afraid to be called racists are indeed racists, so I would bet for McCain then. Thus, the bet leads nowhere as Taxes always vote for the Republican.

I dun care much about the result, as I don't have a strong opion on this. Stop the Iraq war ASAP is good, but clean up the mess b4 leaving is also important. Anyway, who am I 2 talk abt this here. But I'm sure that I'm credited emough 2 gossip abt Paris. That's wt celeberties are for, right? Having her involved in the election is def. HOT...LOL

So McCain made a video to attack Obama. And Paris made a response.

View McCain's video here

View Paris Hilton's SEX video here ;]

www. What Women Want?

2008-08-12T05:14:00.001-07:00

In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman, "What kind of man are you looking for?"

She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye and asking, "Do you really want to know?"

Reluctantly, he said "Yes."

She began to expound, "As a woman in this day and age, I am in a position to ask a man what he can do for me that I can't do for myself. I pay my own bills. I take care of my household without the help of any man, or woman for that matter. I am in the position to ask, "What can you bring to the table?"

The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money. She quickly corrected his thought and stated, "I am not referring to money. I need something more. I need a man who is striving for perfection in every aspect of life."

He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, and asked her to explain.

She said, "I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection mentally because I need conversation and mental stimulation. I don't need a simple minded man. I need a man who is striving for perfection financially because I don't need a financial burden. I am looking for someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman but strong enough to keep me grounded.I am looking for someone whom I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him. I cannot be submissive to a man who isn't taking care of his business. I have no problem being submissive, he just has to be worthy. God made women to be a help mate for men. I can't help a man if he can't help himself."

When she finished her spill, she looked at him. He sat there with a puzzled look on his face. He said, "You are asking for a lot."

She replied, "I'm worth a lot."

Yao, Olympics and more

2008-08-12T01:19:00.000-07:00

I switched off the TV that night after Q3 of the China vs. US Olympic basketball game. Not was I disappointed at the score, but I don't want to see Yao seeking chances to grab a breathe. He is vunerable to injuries that have hampered his career. Two broken feet, a broken leg and an infected toe.

Basketball fans in China complained that his NBA career was putting too much stress on his body, while those in the U.S. said it was his commitment to his national team that was responsible for the injuries. Basketball fans n authorities in China have tied onto Yao all their hope of a medal out of a slim chance, while those who pays him in the U.S. want their return in investment, that is the attention from China. But these has few to do with Yao himself.

NBA to me is just another for-profit-corporation with the name of sports. For the sake of a fat profit, they tried to build up a healthy image as one of their strategies, but it is not that successful. For China... medals have always been viewed as not only glory but also the rise of China. Olympics is chance for China to show off our nation's strength. I like the opening ceremony, it is meant to be a show. But what about the real games?... The one thing they do with all athletes is drive them into the ground with training. The strongest survive. If you don’t, they’ll find another to come and do it.

Yao played 100% for whoever he is playing, and nothing can chage his loyalty to China. Yao describes playing for his country in the Olympics as a "national honor" but reiterated his standpoint that getting to the last eight would be an achievement for this China team. He's never going to losing face but he could hv cut his career life far too short. Yao Ming has said the Beijing Olympics will be his last.

Enough is enough. Yao now seems to me a giant tragic figure who is bearing too much weight ppl has add onto sports.

333

2008-08-11T22:37:00.000-07:00

So this is my 3rd blog site. After MSNspace(opened for my frds in mainland, which I still use from time 2 time with limited access 2 my closest frds) & Xanga(opened for ppl in HK, which I somehow stopped using). Well, I have used "facebook note" for a while as well. However, after I know who's gonna read my post, the enjoyment of expressing decreased. I am more like writing for the particular audience instead of myself. And I don't quite like the picture uploading system on those sites.

Pictures are important for me. That's an easy way to record my life. I'm quite visual and I'm sometimes too lazy to pick up a pen, or I am never an articulate storyteller and I always think too much and too fast which makes a pen too clumsy. Thought I should maybe try drawing.

Guess I'm just a picky creature who get bored with certain things easily.